Disagreeing without unfriending

The polarity of beliefs and passions in the world right now seems to be shattering relationships left and right. Last week I was eavesdropping on a conversation in the airport where a grandfather was not going to be able to see his grandchildren for Christmas because of how he voted. His children would not allow their children to be around anyone who would vote for a certain candidate. I constantly observe unfriending project declarations on facebook. Boycotts are declared through hashtags and trends. 

I wish that I could say I have avoided unfriending and all arguments and that no one has ever been mad at me, but that would not be true. I have said my share of stupid and enraging comments. But I have also learned from reading, research and experience that there are ways you can state your point without losing friendships. 

Listening and learning about others’ point of view is important to earning respect in conversations. Stephen Covey says to seek to understand. Do not assume you know the others’ argument. Ask yourself the question, “why would a rational human being think this way?” Most people are not clearly off their rockers. People are influenced often by people they care about or stories or statistics they have heard. Listen for those stories as well. The LGBTQ community is  hurting, minorities have been hurt, Christians are nervous about their rights. Passion is usually not driven by empty substance. Recognize good points and common ground with the other person. 

Make observations, not accusations. We are quick to judge. Instead of jumping to the accusation, state how you think they feel and ask if what you are observing is correct. When they reply and you do not agree, talk about the issue, not the person. Attacking someone will rarely win them over to your viewpoint (I only do not say never, because you should never use the word never when arguing). Attacking does nothing positive for any argument. Remember that there is another person on the other end of the argument. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you! The popular thing to do is attack and polarize, but how about deciding to be part of the solution here and take steps to building bridges rather than bombing them. 

Explain how you feel while being respectful to the other person. Remember,  a soft answer turns away wrath. I have witnessed many arguments be defused by a soft answer. I guess people think the cultural norm is to attack and when they realize their responder is not attacking they seem to be pretty likely to calm down. Always focus on the friendship in arguments. Do what is right for the friendship. Abraham Lincoln said “Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends with them?” When explaining your argument, talk about how something makes you feel; people cannot argue with your feelings. Also, leave a way out for those with whom you are discussing. Do not back people into corners, they may bite. 

If you are a Christian, be salt and light. Someone losing their respect for God because of the viewpoints of one of His people is not worth it. Viewpoints come and go but eternity is forever. Also remember that we cannot expect non-Christians to live with Christian standards (even if the good ole USA was founded on those values). 

How about listing some more tips below. These suggestions are not end all. There are many tips that can go with this theme.

(Tips from this article come from Stephen Covey’s 7 habits of highly effective people, the Bible and Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People).  

Letter to the President Elect

Dear President Elect Donald Trump,

Congrats on your win! You overcame a lot of adversity and were courageous to take on the Washington machine. You do not seem to bend to government norms which could be good for all of us. We live in an ever-increasing dangerous world that will require much wisdom to navigate. One aspect that I appreciate you is your understanding of surrounding yourself with experience that you need to be successful. I hope that you realize how much that helped you win the election and that you will not discard that upon being President.

I also pray for your humility. You barely won a race against a lifetime criminal in a country with growing suspicion of politicians. Most who voted for you were really voting against her. Few people trust your words and you are going to have to earn that trust back. Earn it through humility and respect. Words are powerful and can both build and burn bridges. There are many burnt bridges around you. Look to mend them as you try to mend that country. Your speech of unity is a very good start, but is also a common theme in post election speeches; don’t let it fade. 

The Bible makes it clear that God is in control and can change that control at will. You have surrounded yourself with God fearers like Ben Carson and Mike Pence. Learn with them how to fear the Lord and walk in His way. God has given us keys to life, governing and getting along with people; use them! Be an example in word and action. I know that you have a long past, but God forgives and changes people; seek Him. For some reason you awakened the evangelical vote in your favor, now may their God be awakened in you. 

Lastly, get some sleep! There is a lot of work to be done! God bless America!

David

Infomania

I finished a book yesterday that I had started the day before. Rarely does that ever happen. Fortunately someone drove to the park two hours away on a day off and I sat in the back and ignored everyone (not completely to give myself a little credit). Developing oneself is one's greatest asset. No one needs to remain ignorant in life. In the internet age, knowledge is at our fingertips; no one can say they do not have access to more knowledge. Even in remote places one can always talk to someone older to learn.

But often we are lazy about it. We scroll down and numb ourselves with superficial information like how many pieces of pizza your childhood neighbor ate last night and seeing a puppy follow a goat around.

When I read my mind goes crazy; I dream bigger, am more inspired and grow mentally. Life skills are in all kinds of books, articles, videos and audios and are there to make the world a better place. Take advantage of the minds that have gone ahead of you.

The book that I read is from a marketing company that sells information. My thoughts are "why buy information that I have for free?" But then I realize that I do not take advantage of the free information I do have. This company compensates you for getting smarter, which is a pretty interesting idea.

So instead of scrolling down as your mind numbs up, try a TED talk, documentary or book. When this becomes a habit you have nothing to lose!

Bits October

I talked with Robson and Nilson about the future of the Cetak training center as we ate a cultural dish of escondinho (meat, cheese and a root similar to potato called macaxeira). Robson just moved into one of the 11 houses that are now right around our church property. He is catholic and his wife is spiritist, but both are excited about the courses we will be offering at the training center. He also would like to play some soccer there at the property soon. I was able to share the gospel that day with these two, but the gospel here takes time to sink in, for the people to fully grasp what salvation really means.

People here are very open to God, the Bible and Jesus. Our football team received Bibles and have loved having them and thanked me often. They ask for me to pray during our practices and games and I have often spoken the gospel to them, but it takes them a while to understand their need for repentance and salvation. Soon and very soon there will be more and more disciples here and we are excited about the huge platform God has given us through football, cheerleading, English and other opportunities. 

This month I was invited to a school in a nearby community called Caraibas. From the highway you can barely see that there is a community, but the school has 600 students! They asked me to come talk about the US to the English students. Upon arrival I saw that it was a school assembly with all 300 morning students (and 300 more in the afternoon)! What a neat opportunity. They asked about Trump and Hillary, the economy and many other interesting questions. Of course, my favorite is when they asked why I live in Brazil which allowed me to freely talk about God’s calling in my life. We were invited back to the school to watch their very first basketball game. Tyler and I were honored as special guests! I am not sure what God has for us in this contact, but it is neat to see God opening doors. 

Another neat open door has been Tupanatinga. We went there three times this month, 2 Bible studies and 1 birthday party. This has been a neat opportunity to have a point of ministry where we can involve others from the church in using their musical gifts for the Lord as well as minister to new people. Rodryggo and his newlywed wife Danielly have never gone to church before and now look forward to the studies. We pack out Chico and Bia’s living room and have a good time. We plan on going tomorrow (Tuesday) night for another Bible study. 

Pray for our China trip as we leave in 2 weeks! We made a video to advertise for the course we will give and the Brazilian community was excited! We will leave November 15 and arrive back in Recife at midnight on the 30th! We are not looking forward to this whole jet lag thing; so I am going to look forward to your strong prayers on our behalf!!!!!

During the last couple years with the property here God has provided finances at just the right time. Ideally we would have a few hundred thousand dollars and assurance that we can build exactly what we want as fast as we can, but God has not chosen to provide in that way. The last couple of weeks we have had meetings about how much more we can do before pausing, but then yesterday we received news of a $2000 gift that keeps us going for a little longer. It seems like it has worked that way for the last year or so. The Brazilian church continues to give some, churches in the US have come through, and individual donors have given. It is neat to see where it all comes from. Below are some amounts that we need in order to finish the first phase of the project that will last us for a good amount of time! 

Iron and cement to be the second floor ceiling/third floor- $8,653.13

Electric on the first floor- $6,562.50

Finishing the rooms on the first floor- 3,250 per room (6 rooms)- $19,500

Two bathrooms- $6250

Roof- $5000

If anyone wants to donate it all, you are welcome to, or even cover a room or phase; that would be wonderful, but what we have seen is that God has worked through many people and smaller donations to put it together to get the work done and we are grateful for every gift. 

Thanks so much for your prayers!

All for HIS glory,

David, Sarah, our big 7 year old cheerleader Evelyn minus two lower front teeth, and our OCD Anna Claire

Is the Election a Reflection?

A couple days ago I went to a school in Brazil as an american representative. The school assembly met in the gym and had representatives ask my friend Tyler and I questions about the United States and being an American. I shook my head in both in the morning and in the afternoon as they asked me about Hillary and Trump. Of all the Americans there are in the US, how did we find these two representatives?



In a democracy the people choose their President. When our founding fathers set up the system it was  a brilliant system because the President would reflect the people. Fast forward to today and we see little satisfaction in our country's candidates. How could our country choose these two? But then I go on Facebook and see the debates on people's pages and I realize exactly how we have these two candidates. They are a reflection of the people. We have turned into a bunch of debaters calling ugly names disrespecting each other! This is a true representation and it grieves me to the bone!

The truth is that both of these candidates break codes for which we, the American people, are passionate about. Trump has utterly disrespected women! Hillary is going after the unborn! What American does not have something against these ideas therefore making them passionate against either one of the candidates! Then we look at our neighbor, who is passionate about one issue that is very legitimate and we accuse them of being for an issue we are passionate against! It is a doomsday spiral!

We need to stop this disrespect for our neighbor! They are probably an entirely rational human being that is just a little different rationally than you are. Do not lose their respect and friendship over this election. Instead of looking at individuals as entirely disappointing, let's look at our culture as disappointing. We have fostered this type of negative culture and it needs to stop if we are going to survive!

Love your neighbor as yourself. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Americans are strong, patriotic, thoughtful and proactive. Let's emphasize these qualities. The difference starts with the individual and moves to the culture. Be an advocate of peace and love, not of division and hatred!

Bits September

This month we went on vacation on the beach for 5 days. We had a great time and had been looking forward to it since March! It was relaxing and healthy for us and the girls had a great time. 

This morning I woke up at 4:30 for the second time in a month to go carry concrete for the Cetak construction. We finished the first floor finally (after three phases of pouring the floor). They like to get up early and get done early with this few hour job where we have 10-20 people working. 

Our service this month went well especially considering that we moved location, day and time. We are trying Sunday mornings at a nice area right beside our house. The football guys are less likely to come in the morning, but we had people from other places including the Story of Hope study I have been doing on Thursday nights with a family of one of our study participants. We are in the NT already studying the life of Jesus and in a few weeks will be concluding. They have been around churches for a while, but are not in one currently, nor do they fully comprehend the story of the Bible.

Sarah is having a good time with cheerleading as she is up to 10 girls now and will present during the football game this month. Pray these contacts translate into disciples! 

Last night I delivered Bibles to the football team! We received a great discount on some really nice Bibles thanks to our coworker Roger Smith and the money came from Faith Baptist in State College, PA (my uncle Drew is the Pastor and my Aunt Diane organized the VBS project to raise this money). We were able to buy 50 Bibles and gave out around half last night (that is about the amount from the team that shows up to practice…). They were all really excited to receive them; one guy came over after practice to sleep and get up early and he was reading his before bed at midnight. Please pray that these guys will follow this new playbook they have!

The Servant Leaders development has been going great! Check out the site in English and think about whether your church wants any free material or mentorship to develop leaders inside the church! If you are interested or curious, shoot me an email and I can talk to you about what that would look like for you! It is probably easier than you think! 

This month we applied for Visas to go to China! Sarah’s sister Anna and her husband Daniel have lived there for a few years and we have an opportunity to go teach the Good Soil seminar to the group of Brazilians they have as well as some in English! We are planning this trip for next month! It is a pretty crazy opportunity for us! 

Also, we are planning a trip to the US for January until April. If you would like us to speak at your church, let me know and we can work on setting that up. We will be based in Chattanooga and go up to Michigan late March into April. Will be great to see the people who hold us up! Thanks so much!

All for HIS glory,

David, Sarah, my big seven year old Evelyn who got to celebrate with a tent PJ party the weekend before her birthday and on the beach for her birthday, and our little merpup(that would be a mixture of Mermaid and puppy from Paw Patrol) Anna Claire who loved the water and sand at the beach! 

Downward Spiral

I originally heard about the downward spiral in the marriage book “Love and Respect”. The husband does something wrong, the wife reacts negatively; no one wants to take the blame and so it just spirals downward from there. Mainly when no one is willingly to break the cycle. 

While the spiral happens often in marriages, it happens just as often in other organizations. A team, a family, a business or in a nation. 

No one likes the results of the downward spiral, but most people dislike the out even more. The out being to admit your mistakes. A knock on your pride; a lesson in humility. No one wants a piece of humble pie!

I coach an American football team in Brazil. It has been challenging in a different culture teaching a sport that requires such discipline. How do I enforce showing up to practice when the culture so easily accepts whatever excuse? I have wanted to just play those who come to practice every time, but playing with 5 players pretty much guarantees a loss. Some on the team get mad about those who don’t practice; in turn they tend to have a bad attitude. Others on the team get mad at those who have a bad attitude. Throw in some other excuses as well and you have a team full of excuses as to why they should not buy in to the program and go all out in training for the team. It is a downward spiral! 

As I mentioned I live in Brazil, but am American. Both countries have their share of problems. I think of the racism problem in the US right now. There are plenty of people that are not racist and want to help solve the problems, but there is enough that just point to the “problems” on the other side of the fence and are not willing to point to their own problems. The quick downward spiral has been intriguing for those in the country who thought the racism problem had greatly diminished! 

Brazil is going through a crisis right now mainly due to dishonesty and theft. Many high ranking officials have put lots of money into their own accounts. The people are furious at the politicians and are trying to take them down one by one. But the very way the election process works almost requires every politician to be corrupt. When you look at the culture, there are many norms within the culture that are dishonest. The people in general are dishonest. But the finger is pointed elsewhere when looking to discover the problem. (To some people’s credit, this has been pointed out before by people saying that they themselves are the problem). 

The gospel saves us from downward spirals. Built into the gospel is the fact that we mess up; we are wrong and deserving of the worst of consequences if it were not for Jesus being humble, coming down as a man and giving His life for us. The gospel driven life triggers a humility (at least it should) that can reverse the downward spiral. Accepting that you are a sinner in need of a Savior (that is not yourself) is very freeing. Instead of pointing fingers, we inwardly realize that we need to work on ourselves first and as much as we work, it is really only God’s grace that saves us! This helps us in not so furiously accusing others. We can help to build solutions not confusion!